tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post4377617158588380223..comments2024-03-25T02:33:41.590-05:00Comments on FemaleScienceProfessor: Burnt Out - HelpFemale Science Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15288567883197987690noreply@blogger.comBlogger51125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-48431839996322476392010-06-24T16:10:16.851-05:002010-06-24T16:10:16.851-05:00I am sorry that happened to you. No one should hav...I am sorry that happened to you. No one should have to experience sexual assault and that kind of treatment by other lab members.<br /><br />I agree with all of the previous comments which have mentioned counseling, finding a supportive faculty member, and listing a leave of absence on your CV.<br /><br />However, what really struck me about your post was that pornography is allowed in your workplace. Telling the other lab members about your assault will most likely be ineffective, as it is obvious these people lack respect for women period. I would seriously consider finding a new university or institution.<br /><br />As someone who has experienced harrassment and sexism, I am appalled that pornography is acceptable where you work. For everything that has been said and done to me, I've never seen any lab members, professors, and students where I am viewing porn on their computers. <br /><br />Given that you have complained in the past only to lead to more harrassment, I cannot stress enough that I would leave if I were at your institution. Clearly the leadership there is completely unsupportive and part of the problem, and frankly, not worth your time.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-53090747517530112672010-05-20T18:45:50.305-05:002010-05-20T18:45:50.305-05:00I am a female graduate student in astronomy in the...I am a female graduate student in astronomy in the US. I am appalled by what has happened to you, and in fact it makes me so angry that if I knew where you were I would lend my own energy to fighting that battle for you, and I am sure others who have commented here feel the same. <br /><br />I have been lucky (in hindsight, after reading this I realize this) in that the 2 astro departments I have been in are amazingly free of any sexism whatsoever. Well, okay, my adviser did call "300" a "man's movie" once, but I think everyone here will agree that's fairly trivial. The guys (I am the only female in my lab) are incredibly sensitive about all the issues. So...my point is, there are places where you can be an astronomer and not be harassed. Find one!AstroGirlGradnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-16749175654377070552010-04-21T18:57:00.671-05:002010-04-21T18:57:00.671-05:00As a male astronomer, it breaks my heart to hear o...As a male astronomer, it breaks my heart to hear of your suffering, and disgusts me that those around you don't see how wrong they are. I hope that you soon manage to find a safe environment to heal in, and I'd echo the suggestions of others to take advantage of professional counselors. <br /><br />Reading these comments has also opened my eyes a bit, seeing the number of women who've stepped forward in solidarity as victims of sexual abuse. I suppose I have no right to be tragically surprised at the number... Yet another downside of the culture of silence on such things is those of us who do care may not have a good sense of the statistics, I suppose. <br /><br />That culture of silence ("show no weakness") hits other areas, too. For instance, as a grad student I had some significant health issues, from ongoing chronic daily pain on up to "go to the ER <i>right now</i> or else you may die", as a result of Crohn's Disease. I don't mean to suggest that rape and serious illness are exactly analogous situations, of course; clearly they are very different, but both are deep traumas. I told essentially no one what I was dealing with, not my advisor nor most friends. Like you, I found that that is a path to burnout, frustration, and depression. I managed to get through anyway, but on some days came near to leaving the field due to what I felt as overwhelming stress, and an inability to muster even the slightest enthusiasm for going to work. <br /><br />Ultimately, when I was able to seek out professional mental health assistance, and found the trust to widen my network of support to a broader range of my friends and collaborators, it was <i>tremendously</i> liberating and healing. I have nothing but praise for my university's counseling service, which put me in touch with a superb therapist with experience in exactly the areas I was dealing with. Meeting with her made a tremendous and lasting difference. Later, as a postdoc, I became friends with another member of my new department also suffering from a chronic illness--and both of us found that mutual support to be deeply empowering. Trying to tough it out on your own in any toxic environment - whether the toxins come from an external or internal source- is just not the right course. <br /><br />One of the saddest things about academic culture is that so many people feel unable to get the help they need during rough times in life. There's far too much hesitancy in reaching out to support services, because we all think we'll be thought of as lesser scientists if we have to ask for help. But I feel like my own scientific productivity has vastly improved (in fact leading to a real job offer :-) after I finally overcame my own reluctance and sought out the help I needed at that point. Trauma, of any kind, is not something anyone should have to face on their own. Nor should they have to feel like they'll be judged for seeking out mental health aid when needed. In the aftermath of Andrew Lange's and Sam Roweis' tragic suicides, it should be apparent that hard times and crises can and do strike <i>anyone</i>. Seeing the number of our colleagues who post here as victims of sexual assault just tragically proves that point again. We need to make it more acceptable as a field to admit that and to seek out help, without shame. Which is part of why I'm posting this message with my real name.<br /><br />Good luck in finding the help and support you need.Marshallhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17968221782179113934noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-74529047126337310482010-04-21T13:50:15.351-05:002010-04-21T13:50:15.351-05:00Burnt Out, you said:
I think my ideal situation w...Burnt Out, you said:<br /><br /><i>I think my ideal situation would be to take a 'break' from astronomy for a while, and then come back. But my feeling is that's it's already so hard to get a permanent position, that a non-maternity related break is much harder to recover from - especially as I've already been 'out' for a year.</i><br /><br />I would not give up so easily. I think anything is possible, you just have to want it and be willing to do what it takes to make it happen.<br /><br />I left my lab in my fifth year of grad school due to conflicts with my advisor. Several faculty members told me that my career in science was over and that I should go beg for my position back. Others told me not to listen to the negative comments. I didn't. I found a great new lab at a new university, got a PhD, and am now a postdoc. My career has survived despite this 'major' 'flaw' on my CV.<br /><br />The point is, if you really want to take a break and then return to academia, then you can find a way to make it happen. Not every single person in astronomy can be a pain in the rear like you describe, there has to be some department where you fit in!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-67193123944409943242010-04-20T06:51:08.641-05:002010-04-20T06:51:08.641-05:00Burnt Out,
I wanted to address your concern about...Burnt Out,<br /><br />I wanted to address your concern about how to handle questions about publication record. I think it's perfectly okay to be honest but vague. In other words, you can mention that you've had a personal emergency which has affected your productivity. It's unlikely that the interviewer would pry. And if your potential employer is unable to understand that you are a human being and sometimes things happen to human beings, it's probably not a good employment situation to begin with.<br /><br />But, reading your most recent post, I'm also thinking maybe it would be helpful for you to take a break from astronomy. As another commenter has said, it's hard but not impossible to come back. And I think you've had so many negative and emotionally charged experiences that a little distance might help you sort out your feelings. Just a thought.<br /><br />Anyway, I'm glad to hear you've found some support. I also hope the number of comments here show you that you are not alone.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-69028562703818237912010-04-19T15:05:19.689-05:002010-04-19T15:05:19.689-05:00I think you should quit your current job and try t...I think you should quit your current job and try to find a new one in your field. Maybe there are some labs known for being feminist or woman-friendly, or you could ask a woman you trust to recommend a lab that might be a good fit. I'm sorry you're going through such a terrible time. . .Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-71965755009051956242010-04-17T13:25:42.050-05:002010-04-17T13:25:42.050-05:00Dear Burn Out,
I will tell you what my father tol...Dear Burn Out,<br /><br />I will tell you what my father told me... just because something is more difficult doesn't mean it is impossible. What is right is not always easy. If the right thing for you is to take a leave of absence then take it. Yes things will be harder when it comes to re-entering academia, but they will not be impossible. We are all stronger and more capable then we imagine.<br /><br />-Post-doc ZAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-85572392446907259112010-04-17T11:54:03.555-05:002010-04-17T11:54:03.555-05:00Dear Burnt Out;
Before you leave the field, I jus...Dear Burnt Out;<br /><br />Before you leave the field, I just want to remind you that it's possible to leave your location and try a new one. I'm amazed at the different attitudes between different places. If your place is not doing everything it can to earn you as its researcher, consider moving. There is a reasonable demand for experienced post-docs. Use your network--especially outside of your current job--and give a serious look into switching. You might be really strongly surprised at how much you want to do research if you can find the right supportive environment. Best of luck to you.<br /><br />Always,<br />KMJTashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04871581076638898272noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-248223194334254812010-04-17T10:45:10.002-05:002010-04-17T10:45:10.002-05:00If I were in the circumstances described in the em...If I were in the circumstances described in the email, I would quit that workplace as fast as possible. <br /><br />If it meant giving up on the doctorate for the time being, I would do it anyway. I'm a good engineer; I'll thrive, survive, and learn. Whether my combinations of options and choices ever led to a doctorate, I wouldn't know, but I'd get out of there. <br /><br />That means nothing about what anyone else should do. It's just what I realized I would do in that situation.Helen Huntingdonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13194570063379856862noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-87874572646330824162010-04-17T04:58:08.751-05:002010-04-17T04:58:08.751-05:00Thank you very much for all your comments. I feel ...Thank you very much for all your comments. I feel like a weight has been taken off my shoulders, just knowing that there are other academics who are aware of what is going on, and knowing that others have survived such situations.<br /><br />I have sought counseling and am also in group therapy with a rape-victim charity. These charities exist in most countries and I recommend anyone in this situation to contact them immediately. Most can be contacted anonymously. They have provided me with psychological and legal advice and support for free over the last year and without them I would be in a much darker place. <br /><br />Regarding the sexism, some of it took place at my former University. This was the most severe. At the time I reported it to a FSP/mentor, who then reported the contents of a confidential conversation we had (without my authorization). This is when the victimization began. It's too late now to report this.<br /><br />If any of you are involved in reporting such events, please do not ever breach confidentiality. This was the biggest blow for me. I do not trust anyone at work now, even those involved in women committees etc.<br /><br />The situation at my current University is not as extreme but still sexist. There doesn't seem to be a proper HR unit dealing with harassment, and there is no information on the website. Another woman who has complained have been victimized in my opinion.<br /><br />I don't feel like I have the strength to start an official procedure anyway.<br /><br />Regarding my situation, my contract ends in a few months, which is why I feel pressed to make some kind of decision.<br /><br />I have applied for several postdocs, got shortlisted, and in several interviews the question propped up "Why have you not published any papers in the last year?". I have no idea how to answer this question still, so advice on that would great. I've also decided that I can't afford to apply for postdocs far away as I need to keep my local support network and my therapist agrees this is important. I'm also wary of applying to groups where I don't know what the 'culture' is like. This has reduced my choice of applications to a few. I am still waiting for answers. I am very aware that the fact that my mind is elsewhere makes it difficult for me to come across as a motivated candidate.<br /><br />In my experience, I have witnessed / been victim of sexism in all institutions I've worked at. I've seen it / been victim of it in many conferences, and in institutions where I've been a visitor. In my experience, the perpetrators vary from grad students to heads of groups. All this makes me feel so angry, but the sheer extent of it and the fact that no one in my field ever seems to have any training regarding this makes me feel also very helpless. I'm sure it exists outside academia, but I feel like I would find it much easier to be detached from what happens at a job I am less 'involved' in. <br /><br />I think my ideal situation would be to take a 'break' from astronomy for a while, and then come back. But my feeling is that's it's already so hard to get a permanent position, that a non-maternity related break is much harder to recover from - especially as I've already been 'out' for a year.<br /><br />The constant need for references and the high productivity required when a postdoc are what I think makes this situation so difficult.<br /><br />Thank you all again for your comments.<br /><br />PS Regarding what one commentator said about rape occurrence, from what the rape-victim charity have told me, numbers show that about 10-20% of American and European women are victims, and the number is pretty constant across all social categories and backgrounds.Burnt Outnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-9217356266499335462010-04-17T03:12:12.912-05:002010-04-17T03:12:12.912-05:00Dear Burnt Out Astronomy,
I feel sorry hearing ab...Dear Burnt Out Astronomy,<br /><br />I feel sorry hearing about your sad situation. While you can surely hope to get some relief from time passing and from personal counseling what do you think about finding a (preferably female) friend in your research group whom you can talk to about your feelings?<br /><br />My personal experience also involves a lot of sexist behavour in the scientific environment (mathematics) but it all feels a lot better since I have met two female scientists in my institution with whom I can talk about the sexist experiences. First, it is good that they can lend an ear directly after something bad happened. Second, they tell you their stories and so you might feel less personally addressed by what happens. As always: Sharing your anger and sadness gives relief.<br /><br />I wish you all the best and please do not feel lonely, there is a lot of people thinking of you.<br />MathematicaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-6054665021150087172010-04-16T21:44:15.932-05:002010-04-16T21:44:15.932-05:00I have never had anything as bad as this happen, b...I have never had anything as bad as this happen, but I have a verbally abusive supervisor and I have worked with a verbally abusive co-worker. In both cases, I started documenting everything I could. In the latter case, I told other people in the group I was collecting evidence and if they ever needed it they could borrow my folder. I don't know if it was a change in my demeanor or what, but in both cases, after I started collecting evidence, the abuse pretty much stopped. In the former case, the abuser also seems to have stopped abusing others, at least when I'm around. If you think you might stay for any amount of time at all, document everything and collect evidence. If you've written emails to friends about this, collect those. They have time stamps so can prove this was not just one incident but a pattern. (Although in the log you start keeping for these purposes, try to keep it to the facts as much as possible. Then it's not about your emotions but their actions.) Right now, sit down and write down as many details as you can remember - who said what when, where, and to whom. Write down abuse that happened to other people too - that proves a pattern and makes it more difficult for the abuser(s) to argue it's an interpersonal conflict. It might not be enough to win a lawsuit and even if it is a lawsuit isn't necessarily the best thing for you, but it is likely enough to go through an internal grievance procedure. Having organized evidence also gives you credibility. It also lets you see larger patterns and helps you see it's really not you. This really helped me.<br /><br />There must be at least some allies around - find them. There were times I thought I had no allies, but I always did. And odds are you are not the first victim - try to find past victims. They can help you (a) realize it's not you and (b) build a case.<br /><br />At least for me I found that trying to build a case against the bullies helped me because it helped me feel in control of the situation. All forms of bullying are about control. Another thing about bullies - coming from a past bully herself - bullies like easy victims. You might be surprised how little you have to fight to defend yourself. It might even be as simple as responding to the harassment by "joking" about filing a lawsuit.<br /><br />I also considered leaving because of an abusive situation just a few months ago. Realizing that you can leave is empowering. Yes, we need more women in physics, but there is no need to make yourself a martyr. It took me a while to realize I had no moral responsibility to stay in the field. When I realized that I didn't really want my job all that bad, I was much less anxious about responding to my abuser. When I threatened to leave, life got much better. (Now he is almost afraid of speaking to me.) You're highly skilled labor and they need you.<br /><br />And, yes, seek counselling. Please.Madscientistgirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11211394943035339771noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-83790397157785427392010-04-16T21:37:52.549-05:002010-04-16T21:37:52.549-05:00Dear Burnt Out,
I'm writing to you as both an...Dear Burnt Out,<br /><br />I'm writing to you as both an astronomer and a rape survivor. Since you don't say for sure, I want to reiterate everyone else's comments about seeking out counseling. I also want to say that not all counseling is equal...so invest the time and effort into finding someone that you connect with who can help guide you to a place where you feel safe and whole again. It's a long process. There's no single path, but it has to be your priority.<br /><br />If your work environment is toxic to your emotional well-being, then I think you have to find something healthier. But quitting astronomy altogether might not be the only solution. There are places where the types of behavior you've described are not the norm.<br /><br />But at the end of the day you also need to consider what you want your life to look like moving forward. A traumatic experience can have a profound impact on what you want out of your life. I hesitate to say something like "change you", b/c in the most fundamental way I think I am still the person I was before I was raped. But it did change my relationship to the world (and men) in a pretty fundamental way. I think you owe it to yourself to explore what has happened to you and to acknowledge that you may have to get to know yourself again. I think there is a tendency to feel like bad things are just experiences to get past. But that simply was not my own experience.<br /><br />I guess in some ways this isn't exactly career advice...but I tend to think that life advice is career advice. B/c even the perfect job is miserable if you are unhappy. I'm sending you good thoughts and wishes for your happiness. And I'm here to tell you, also, that there is a way to feel like a person again. And to trust men again. But it's not fair to yourself to expect that to happen overnight. And if being in an all male environment is unbearable (and I found that it was, even when the men were trusted friends) give yourself space to get out. In the end it's just a job. <br /><br />The most important thing is simply to listen to yourself and respect what you need. Don't worry about what you "should" be doing. Think about what you want and need to be doing to feel okay. And trust your ability to take care of yourself. You can't get a PhD in astronomy if you're not resourceful...so know that things will get better.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-10695434802090330822010-04-16T18:14:42.702-05:002010-04-16T18:14:42.702-05:00I would like to echo the suggestions to find profe...I would like to echo the suggestions to find professional counseling (outside your workplace.) <br /><br />The people in your workplace, as has been said, are attempting to exert power over you in inappropriate ways. The problem is with them, not you. I say that because we women tend to feel that there is something "wrong" with us when these kinds of people upset us. WEll, the problem is not with us!<br /><br />Their emotional dysfunction causes them to inappropriately act this out as harassment. You are stronger than they are, and counseling can help you find how to use your power so that they don't make you feel in a one down position. It's not a simple thing, which is why professional counseling will help.<br /><br />I know there is a stigma to counseling, but if you and the other readers will forgive a sports analogy, it is like getting coaching for your tennis game. There is no stigma to that. For example, a weaker player finds a way to beat you on your backhand. A good coach will examine that and help you win those points. The weaker play may still go there, but you will win those points.<br /><br />-OutofthePipelineAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-6225474200219724882010-04-16T17:44:46.664-05:002010-04-16T17:44:46.664-05:00You am sorry to read all of that, and I never bein...You am sorry to read all of that, and I never being in academia place like that (with porn etc). I might just mention that quitting is not the way. In the other world (as opposed to academia) workplace sexism on average could be even harsher. Leave this particular place and find yourself another place in academia, and please consider counseling.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-20848034438416144002010-04-16T09:11:32.625-05:002010-04-16T09:11:32.625-05:00I'm taking an anon login here, but I'm sli...I'm taking an anon login here, but I'm slightly dismayed that people are even recommending talking to the Committee on the Status of Women in Astronomy as they haven't really been great shakes recently either, I recall them publishing a cranky email in the last year or so from a known sexual harasser of postdocs and students whining that he didn't get a faculty job and the university he applied to refused to tell him what he could have done to "make his application better". Unfortunately this person has also maneuvered himself into roles for encouraging diversity even though segments of the field know what a sleeze he is.<br /><br />That said, to the emailer, I've unfortunately been there, but for me it was undergrad, and trying to get anything done was a mass of impossibility (things took place over the summer at a different institution). I was very lucky to be in a department that was very friendly (as in the department didn't have strict social levels) so I was able to seek a level of normal friendship from people and I also had an awesome undergrad advisor who knew that for me research was the thing I could throw myself into. I can honestly say right now as a grad student if something had happened I'd be in your shoes since I watch a lot of sexism go on in our department and I don't find it right at all. That said, it took me a very long time to get help and it's mostly worked, but not completely. I've learned my triggers and how to avoid them but it's not been fun. I've also become a bit more a mouthy broad and that is also related to how I picked my PhD advisor- he and I snark at each other well.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-84989619935465017922010-04-16T01:53:07.182-05:002010-04-16T01:53:07.182-05:00A rape? This is terrible. Personally, I find it ha...A rape? This is terrible. Personally, I find it hard to believe there are people around in the workplace who approve of rape. But I also understand how the trauma of rape might make someone a lot more paranoid about gender issues. Maybe this person should try to re-evaluate by wondering if people at her workplace are evil enough to support rape. Beyond that...I think she needs a pro counsellor.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-8524017195355692142010-04-16T01:17:01.831-05:002010-04-16T01:17:01.831-05:00This situation clearly requires professional (psyc...This situation clearly requires professional (psychological and legal) counseling, and I hope 'Burnt Out' seeks it out. She may be in no condition to pursue official or legal action, unfortunately. <br /><br />If I were in such a situation (hostile workplace) and could not immediately leave for another job, I would get legal advice (from someone not associated with my employing institution, which will be concerned about liability) and contact the US-EEOC (or equivalent) for assistance. <br /><br />Even if you don't plan to take legal action, knowing your rights can make a difference in dealing with supervisors and others involved in such situations.DrDoyennehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01923421604660796579noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-30785987721041002602010-04-16T00:27:03.189-05:002010-04-16T00:27:03.189-05:00If you cannot afford a leave of absence without wo...If you cannot afford a leave of absence without working, and you and your therapist determine that continuing in your workplace is just too toxic for you, and dealing with the university reporting system doesn't seem safe, there may be other options. Maybe you will decide you just do have to leave science, at least for awhile, for your mental health, but don't do this precipitously, without a plan of where to go to earn money for survival and be able to continue seeing a therapist. Another commenter on this thread noted she re-entered science after two years away, so it can be done, but it will be easier if you plan your exit carefully rather than just run away. And planning means making sure you have the financial means to care for yourself while not doing science - which includes being able to see a therapist. Many therapists will see clients on a sliding scale fee basis. I prefer psychologists and MSW's (masters of social work) for the kind of therapy you are going to need, rather than psychiatrists. If you are not sure how to find a good therapist for what you need, try contacting your campus women's center or women's study program and ask for help, in addition to whatever on campus counseling services may be available. <br /><br />I am dismayed at the number of commenters who seem surprised or shocked to hear Burnt Out's story. You think these sorts of things aren't happening around you or aren't common, just because they aren't talked about in the papers or discussed in polite society. Survivors of sexual assault are all around us, academia - and science in particular - is no exception. And Jesus, it's not like sexual harassment and discrimination suddenly went out of style in scientific circles. <br /><br />Good luck Burnt Out. My heart goes out to you.Zuskahttp://www.scienceblogs.com/thusspakezuskanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-20255111574779488082010-04-16T00:27:03.188-05:002010-04-16T00:27:03.188-05:00Reporting a hostile work environment sounds like a...Reporting a hostile work environment sounds like a great idea, but this is an incredibly difficult undertaking under the best of circumstances, and the letter writer is not operating under the best of circumstances. There is no guarantee that the university machinery will work to protect the person doing the reporting, or that the outcome will be anything other than a slap on the wrist for the perpetrator, or that the proceedings will be conducted and resolved in a reasonable and timely fashion, or, most importantly, that reporting the harassment and invoking an open university investigation against one's own PI will have NO ramifications against one's career. Burnt Out isn't sure she wants to stay in science, but she isn't sure she wants to leave. I am the last person to say that sexual harassers should be left to run amuck unpunished but taking them on in an adversarial system is not for the faint of heart or the walking wounded. <br /><br />It seems to me that Burnt Out's priority right now is personal survival, and figuring out how to heal and then thrive. Personal survival means cash to pay rent and buy food and so on, and while taking a leave of absence sounds lovely, it may not be practical. Who among us can afford to go 12 weeks without pay? If Burnt Out has savings she can use to fund the 12 weeks that the Family and Medical Leave Act allows, then by all means go for it - but be prepared that there is a good deal of paperwork to go through in getting a FAMA leave. <br /><br />So, Burnt Out, the very first thing you need, if you are not in therapy, is to get in therapy, so you have someone who is in your corner. And you need a friend who can maybe help you with practical things - therapy is for unloading and sorting the emotional and psychological burden, but a friend could help you negotiate bureaucracies, like figuring out how to orchestrate a FAMA leave, and planning your finances for that period, etc., because one's mind just doesn't function as well when one is walking around with a head full of sexual assault trauma and daily sexual harassment and discrimination. <br /><br />Once you have survival lined up - therapist, plan for finances and maybe a leave from work, a friend to help you organize planning - then you can dive more into the work of therapy and healing. And, eventually, will come the thriving stage. Absolutely. It will come. <br /><br />Now is not the time to make huge decisions like "should I leave science?", it seems to me. Plus, take it from me, you can do adequate work with a half-functioning mind and most people will not know that you are not all there. You can find sexist asshats wherever you go. What is more elusive is cultivating within yourself the knowledge that they are stupid sorry little shits who are not worth your fingernail clippings. They will make you angry the rest of your life, but you will learn eventually not to let that anger at them - which is legitimate, and righteous, and deserved - shatter you into pieces. You will learn how to set it aside at times when you need to just walk away from it, so that it does not consume you - so that it does not burn you out.Zuskahttp://www.scienceblogs.com/thusspakezuskanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-45474468979386285092010-04-15T22:36:33.441-05:002010-04-15T22:36:33.441-05:00I see two separate (but closely related) issues he...I see two separate (but closely related) issues here, complicated by not knowing if this is even in the US. <br /><br />One is PTSD from the rape making it impossible to function in an already difficult environment. If you could function before but cannot do so now, you need to make use of whatever resources are available to you through victim advocates and other local and university resources. <br /><br />The other is a hostile workplace, and I am amazed that it seems like no one (other than the last commenter) has mentioned reporting this environment through the proper channels. It seems a bit late to do anything about your PhD adviser back at another university, but I'd be stunned if your current university didn't have an entire staff to deal with hostile workplace issues. Similarly, I'd be surprised if its IT department (not to mention a funding agency like the NSF) wasn't upset if research facilities were being used to publicly view porn in the workplace. <br /><br />Maybe postdocs don't go through the same orientation as regular employees, but our college makes it very clear how we (faculty and staff) are to go about reporting any situation that contributes to a hostile learning environment. My own experience dealing with a situation where one student was being harassed by another made it clear to me that our policies are taken seriously by all involved and did what they were supposed to do. Use them at your institution.Doctor Pionhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12513786840852469648noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-71446311276600267852010-04-15T19:23:16.338-05:002010-04-15T19:23:16.338-05:00Just to add to the many pieces of terrific advice ...Just to add to the many pieces of terrific advice already left here for 'Burnt Out', many universities employ an "ombudsperson" who is paid by the university to help students, faculty and staff deal with difficult problems such as the harrassment you describe in your workplace. The ombudsperson is bound to keep your visit confidential (both the fact that it happened and the content of the meeting) and can identify institutional resources available to submit a formal complaint (if you choose to go that route). Because the ombudsperson (unlike faculty) is bound to keep the meeting confidential, you are free to explore your options with him/her.FemalePhysioProfnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-91469420600831316172010-04-15T17:17:36.646-05:002010-04-15T17:17:36.646-05:00Dear Burned Out,
I agree with suggestions that if...Dear Burned Out,<br /><br />I agree with suggestions that if possible you should leave your work place altogether and try to find new work place (academia or outside whatever suits you better). <br /><br />Though my experience is not as bad as yours, but my post-doc adviser was abusive verbally and the environment in the lab was toxic. I had a baby and preschool child and could not cope with the situation where I was bringing stress home everyday. I decided to take a break from work altogether. I still regret for choosing that lab which terminated my career for a time being. Now 2 years on, I am fresh and ready to take the challenges. I love science and have applied for NIH's reentry grant with another supportive mentor. I am not vulnerable anymore (my kids are big now) and looking forward to do science again in more supportive environment.<br /><br />There are all kinds of people everywhere. You will have to be strong and find people with whom you can work. There are nice and supportive people in academia (I think probably more than anywhere else). Running away from academia will not solve anything unless you really don't want to continue.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-55503736705235755002010-04-15T16:41:04.359-05:002010-04-15T16:41:04.359-05:00I'm so sorry to hear you've been going thr...I'm so sorry to hear you've been going through this awfulness. <br /><br />I have no advice to add beyond what has already been said, but I just want you to know that a fellow woman in science is thinking of you, and is on your side.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-81627624293057767582010-04-15T15:42:34.162-05:002010-04-15T15:42:34.162-05:00Do you know any of the members of the Committee on...Do you know any of the members of the Committee on the Status of Women in astronomy? They are your representatives in the field and may be able to help in terms of support, reporting the harassment (if that is desired), etc.<br /><br />http://www.aas.org/cswa/Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com