tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post5712079885532375801..comments2024-03-25T02:33:41.590-05:00Comments on FemaleScienceProfessor: For Crying Out LoudFemale Science Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15288567883197987690noreply@blogger.comBlogger43125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-85328571436148915822010-07-18T21:47:19.193-05:002010-07-18T21:47:19.193-05:00I uncontrollably cry in front of authority figures...I uncontrollably cry in front of authority figures and it kills me. I don't want to, but it's always the same any conversation that deals personally with me(particularly negative, but even positive things) puts me into tears. I hate seeing professors and bosses suddenly start apologizing, it's really not their fault and I try my best to get that across. Most people are nice, I had a prof who experienced it and decided to meet weekly with me to get me comfy enough to not burst into tears around him. But the truth is I'm 25 now and I need to be getting over this but I can't. I've tried anti-anxiety drugs and they work to a point but it's still there. What makes it the worst is that people do think I'm just being dramatic but I honestly can't stop. Reading the responses here made me cry, just because it brings up all those awful situations.<br /><br />Now I'm supposed to meet with a prof who terrifies me and I know he's going to think I'm just being dramatic. I truly wish more people knew about this, especially profs/bosses. If anyone has some advice, I'm all ears. This is ruining a otherwise promising future.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-44967523573745169822008-08-08T13:38:00.000-05:002008-08-08T13:38:00.000-05:00I am a male, and a particularly stoic one at that....I am a male, and a particularly stoic one at that. But at no time did I want to cry more than when I had to tell my advisor the inevitable fact that I would have to take at least a year off grad school. At no other time did I want to break out of the shell so badly and seek pure sympathy and caring advice from someone I respected. I cried myself to sleep, alone, at home instead.SamuelRivhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05680315607824083180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-9259899678969861852008-08-08T03:14:00.000-05:002008-08-08T03:14:00.000-05:00I had a male student cry during class on the first...I had a male student cry during class on the first day of school. He was sharing a story of how his boss had yelled at him several years before. I really didn't know what to do and tried to change the subject hoping that the other students wouldn't notice his tears.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-70246359830439023212008-08-06T11:42:00.000-05:002008-08-06T11:42:00.000-05:00I too, am uncomfortable around student tears, but ...I too, am uncomfortable around student tears, but don't want my awkwardness to make the problem worse. I've appreciated the <A HREF="http://www.aas.org/cswa/bulletin.board/2006/09.15.06.html" REL="nofollow">How-To advice column on this subject from AASWomen</A>.Foobarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10246964556529554839noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-16180892169759100252008-08-05T23:41:00.000-05:002008-08-05T23:41:00.000-05:00I was immune to tears from my students. Other TAs...I was immune to tears from my students. Other TAs remarked about it in awe that I seemed able to ignore the tears and deal with issue at hand calmly and without catering to the students' attempts to use the tears as a bargaining chip. Sometimes the tears were emotional [bad grade tears] and I think the student appreciated my ability to just deal with them as a student [as opposed to a crying student, if you get the difference].<BR/><BR/>An odd thing happened though in recent years: I started getting criticized in course evals for being unsympathetic, rude, and "smug"...usually by students [who I could discern from the comments] were ineffective at emotionally manipulating me. Apparently my immunity to tears is a double-edged sword.The_Mythhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10621186404597424842noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-6503296301511499962008-08-04T23:26:00.000-05:002008-08-04T23:26:00.000-05:00I found it really reassuring to read about the oth...I found it really reassuring to read about the other criers out there. Usually I'm mortified and figure that I'm the only student to cry to a professor before, so it's nice to see that I'm not alone.<BR/><BR/>Crying in front of authority figures makes me feel like I'm letting down women everywhere for not being able to keep it together.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-66192026670713973622008-08-04T22:23:00.000-05:002008-08-04T22:23:00.000-05:00My classes tend to be the hard ones, so I always m...My classes tend to be the hard ones, so I always make sure the tissues are well-stocked at the start of the semester.MommyProfhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12040890762575693250noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-42406065815583235792008-08-04T21:26:00.000-05:002008-08-04T21:26:00.000-05:00I have cried in front of 3 professors, all during ...I have cried in front of 3 professors, all during class, twice (same day, back to back classes, residual despair leaked into the second class) i was wearing a hat and mostly kept my head down pretending to be taking notes (did much worse on a test than I thought i deserved. Turns out the prof graded it wrong and missed a problem when he was adding up the points. I was doubting my ability to properly add and subtract thinking i was just too panicked to be subtracted properly from 100). <BR/>On the other occasion (ok...fine. 4-5 occasions, but we watched a lot of movies and the lights were off), we were watching a sad war movie in my history class and I always cry in movies. I can just hope no one noticed the sudden productive sniffing that started about the time so-and-so died and so-and-so-else said something touching. It was only for a moment or two!! I promise!! :) <BR/>That being said, I must admit, I'm a cry baby. I have had to try VERY hard on several occasions not to break down in tears in front of my profs if for no other reason than I would be mortified. I think that if i did break down in front of a prof i would probably wish to be excused from the conversation and come back when I've calmed down to try again. I can definitely understand how once you start crying in front of someone it can be difficult to stop under the pressure to stop. that would suckTomatohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12453311039148066388noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-79425698827372710512008-08-04T10:39:00.000-05:002008-08-04T10:39:00.000-05:00I just wrote a long post about this, and my experi...I just wrote a long post about this, and my experience is similar to a lot of other folks' who are criers. It's nice to see that I'm not the only one!<BR/><BR/>If there was some way to change my nature, I could. But it could be worse - I had a male friend in highs school who was a crier, just like me. And you think we ladies have it bad!Short Geologisthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08047258159927129336noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-34259281218490772642008-08-03T21:45:00.000-05:002008-08-03T21:45:00.000-05:00Because professor yells at student. This would be...Because professor yells at student. This would be the only reason I have cried in the presence of my PI--the time he saw fit to take out his stress by critisizing my lack of excitement, loudly & angrily, not to be stopped by my devolution to a state where I couldn't speak through tears. Apparently me seeming unexcited gets in the way of him enjoying my data. Apparently the deaths of a parent and a close friend in the previous year did not constitute mitigating circumstances. I think he found it to be a productive encounter, as since then I've made myself smile and agree with his over-interpretation of my results.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-88955785451212069282008-08-01T20:47:00.000-05:002008-08-01T20:47:00.000-05:00Hi FSP,heres a link to the newsletter, they featur...Hi FSP,<BR/><BR/>heres a link to the newsletter, they featured blurb from the blog and directed readers to come here to read the full post. http://www.scwist.ca/newsletters/SCWIST_News_-_July_2008.pdfScientistMotherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02540317551396323613noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-30593367784119323062008-08-01T13:23:00.000-05:002008-08-01T13:23:00.000-05:00I wonder whether students are more likely to cry i...I wonder whether students are more likely to cry in the presence of a female professor? I think I have had students cry about something in my presence fewer than a dozen times in 43 years (counting my three years as a TA.) When it has happened, I have taken time to listen and figure out how to be supportive. I have had students try to convince me to change a grade who were quite upset, but not crying. I have on rare occasions offered an extra credit project which was far more work than it would have been to have just kept up with the class to start with, if I thought such a project would be educationally useful for the student. Only twice in my career has this actually led to a changed grade. I am not sure just how I would respond to someone who cried in such a case, but I think it would make me neither more nor less likely to offer a way to improve an already assigned grade. It would, however, get a bit more of my time and attention, most likely .Pagan Topologisthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01611788563582362688noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-90303203121570247422008-08-01T10:55:00.000-05:002008-08-01T10:55:00.000-05:00Here's a different angle. Sometimes, tears could m...Here's a different angle. Sometimes, tears could mean frustration. <BR/><BR/>Once when I was an assistant professor, I was getting a very bad run-around from the university telecommunications office, and I became so frustrated with the waste of my time, I could have hollered like a tornado. I didn't decide to put tears in my own eyes, but that's what they were there for. Later someone commented on them as if they meant I felt weak. I certainly felt disempowered as in not able to do the job I was hired for, but I didn't think the problem was my doing. <BR/><BR/>Anyway, FSP, that's a totally different thing than what you're posting about but I do think tears mean different things in different situations.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-39049588360595155782008-08-01T10:28:00.000-05:002008-08-01T10:28:00.000-05:00I cried on a fairly regular basis about grades...b...I cried on a fairly regular basis about grades...but never in front of an authority figure. The only time I remember crying is when a professor relentlessly dismissed my education as inferior and unworthy of His Fine Institution. Even then my eyeballs remained fairly dry until five steps outside his office where I proceeded to start sobbing.Hermitagehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10526192542331220475noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-16338067594513042782008-08-01T08:35:00.000-05:002008-08-01T08:35:00.000-05:00I have cried to my advisor because he is mean and ...I have cried to my advisor because he is mean and scary and I'm completely freaked out. He also makes me do lots of things are not in my thesis which prolongs my graduate career. He lies, and says I just have to do something 'once' and it turns into a huge commitment. When I cry he thinks I am 'frustrated' by my data or something when really I am in complete despair of ever leaving here and I could not hate him more.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-36489569630121939372008-07-31T23:04:00.000-05:002008-07-31T23:04:00.000-05:00I am a doctoral student and was a TA for the first...I am a doctoral student and was a TA for the first time last year. I had one of my students burst into tears after receiving a poor grade on the midterm. It was so hard because I am fairly sensitive and it made me want to cry too - I felt really bad for her. Everyone has been there. I ended up leading extra study sessions and doing lots of extra work to try to help everyone do well in the class, but overall the students really didn't work hard, pay much attention in class, come to office hours etc. So, it wasn't that surprising... A frustrating situation overall. I am much more wise this year.<BR/><BR/>I have also had a few crying spells this year about my own research and the general frustrations of being a doctoral student. Sometimes you just need your mentor to know you're struggling and that you need more guidance and that's how it comes out.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-20513904809560504602008-07-31T21:50:00.000-05:002008-07-31T21:50:00.000-05:00I cried a lot the first summer I did undergraduate...I cried a lot the first summer I did undergraduate research. I sincerely wanted to become a good scientist, and I felt like every setback was an indication that I was just not good enough. It was discouraging.<BR/><BR/>Eventually, though, assurance from the grad students around me and my PI that this was not to be taken personally (I was doing molecular biology) led me to calm down, grow bitter, and leave the lab and join a different one, where I still experienced setbacks, but took them much less personally. When I left the first lab, my parents commented about how much happier I seemed to become.<BR/><BR/>Although I was bitter about my first research experience for a long time, I can look back at it pretty happily now. I learned a lot of really cool science, met some great people, and all in all it was a good way to learn that not all setbacks are worth crying over.Juliahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07556159639123911817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-6164468211913204382008-07-31T20:58:00.000-05:002008-07-31T20:58:00.000-05:00I am a crier. Its the only emotional reaction I ha...I am a crier. Its the only emotional reaction I have, and at work it usually occurs when I am really really frustrated or when I am really really pissed off. Either way the only other alternative is to go hitting a punching bag (not available , at least in our lab). Tissues and not treating me with kid gloves are appreciated. Also, I am always quick to ensure that the individual(s) presnt that my feelings are not hurt, I just cry.ScientistMotherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02540317551396323613noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-38571477974692768412008-07-31T20:33:00.000-05:002008-07-31T20:33:00.000-05:00I am going to grad school this fall. There is scho...I am going to grad school this fall. There is school that I can go to and it's mediocre, but its in-state (if I'm going to be going to classes in person it has to be in-state as I have a mortgage and have to work full time at a local job).<BR/><BR/>That being said, I can attend a more prestigious university but I can only take classes online (the whole degree would be online as the school is 1,000 miles away) because of my situation. What should I do? Opinions? I know that I will get a better experience going in person and that it would be more fun, but, that being said, is it worth the sacrifice in prestige? There are no prestigious universities that I can attend locally for my area. <BR/><BR/>Thanks,<BR/><BR/>KrisAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-55841594496278113722008-07-31T20:08:00.000-05:002008-07-31T20:08:00.000-05:00I cried a few times in my advisor's office. Usuall...I cried a few times in my advisor's office. Usually from hormones (female) at the wrong time of the month, combined with frustration. It usually happened when my advisor would want to psychoanalyze me and why I was frustrated with my project and want to talk about my life or whatever. I HATED that and it usually would make me cry because she was dwelling on my feelings too much. I really wished she just would have dealt with the science issues and tried to make my project better and not try to figure out why I was frustrated and try to blame it on my home life or whatever. (if she would have solved the science issues, or at least actually thought about them once it a while maybe I wouldn't have been upset!)<BR/><BR/>Just my experience.Katehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00863805225271084025noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-468293348292355702008-07-31T18:20:00.000-05:002008-07-31T18:20:00.000-05:00I have cried multiple times in front of professors...I have cried multiple times in front of professors, and every time I would describe my feelings as embarrassed/humiliated at my inability to control my emotions. I don't think the students need sympathy, that would just be weird for everyone. But they may benefit from being told how common it is for students to cry in front of professors. Take the edge off that humiliation. <BR/><BR/>Beyond that, I think the best you can do is follow the students lead. Problem solving can be good, but if the person is very upset then they may be too overwhelmed to benefit from your problem solving.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-86884572171681034152008-07-31T18:19:00.000-05:002008-07-31T18:19:00.000-05:00I too am ambivalent about students crying about gr...I too am ambivalent about students crying about grades, not meeting expectations, stress, etc. Usually I'm dealing with middle schoolers who have the social training of a small puppy, but I've taught as an adjunct at 2 colleges in town, and I've had criers there too. Sometimes, with the adult students, it just seems manipulative. Would they cry in front of a male teacher? If so, what result would they expect? I sometimes think it just plays the mommy card and I don't react as sensitively as I perhaps could. Then again, there's no crying in baseball.sarah manville gannhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11680682198486352509noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-42920610481476035692008-07-31T13:50:00.000-05:002008-07-31T13:50:00.000-05:00Oh, my single least favorite student encounter. Us...Oh, my single least favorite student encounter. Usually when they're breaking down in my office, they're on the verge of leaving school, most frequently for reasons outside their control. It's ugly.<BR/>On the plus side, something I've managed to insinuate into the administrative consciousness around here is that this is sometimes a <B>good thing</B>. It profits no one to have a student hang around paying leave fees for a year when what they need to do is exit the program, deal with whatever the crisis is, and come back when they can actually complete a dissertation successfully.usagibrianhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08922403352955062098noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-54426649613266851742008-07-31T13:44:00.000-05:002008-07-31T13:44:00.000-05:00I assume that the student who's crying is even mor...I assume that the student who's crying is even more embarrassed about it than I am. So I treat the crying very casually, passing them the kleenex and making a friendly acknowledgement of their tears before going on with the matter at hand.Rosie Redfieldhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06807912674127645263noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-14412809711964242072008-07-31T13:14:00.000-05:002008-07-31T13:14:00.000-05:00I only had once instance in grad school which led ...I only had once instance in grad school which led me to tears. It was a culmination of research related stress/personal life related stress.<BR/><BR/>My thesis adviser had an especially poor reaction, something along the lines of shouting "grow up". <BR/><BR/>A collaborator (also a professor), saw me outside the building after, and took me into his office, handed me a box of tissues, let me vent (essentially). Then, he calmly helped me "take a step back" and see that my life wasn't ending and that I could deal with everything if I just took it one thing at a time.<BR/><BR/>I really just needed some perspective on the issues, which a second party who was detached from the situation could provide. <BR/><BR/>So, I think that is the role that professors can play.<BR/><BR/>Unless, the students are just crying in hopes that it will help draw sympathy for their grades...AsstFemaleProfhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07470039357270029522noreply@blogger.com