tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post6257176889868654551..comments2024-03-25T02:33:41.590-05:00Comments on FemaleScienceProfessor: Do You Need A Tissue?Female Science Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15288567883197987690noreply@blogger.comBlogger60125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-40813921321522139352013-03-26T09:41:48.668-05:002013-03-26T09:41:48.668-05:00I started keeping tissue in my office after the fi...I started keeping tissue in my office after the first time a student got teary eyed and I had nothing to offer her. As a young female prof. I do seem to get more than others' share of criers, mostly female students. I keep a box of large Kleenex (the kind we get here in the UK) on the coffee table where the students sit. That way they can help themselves without the embarassment of being offered or having to ask. I use one myself most mornings when I come in from cycling in the cold, and actually in the winter months more students have needed one for their noses than for tears (though that does happen too).Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-3634455142571446162012-09-09T02:41:38.878-05:002012-09-09T02:41:38.878-05:00You folks have some pretty stoic students. Either ...You folks have some pretty stoic students. Either that, or I'm a perpetual mommy who attracts more than my fair share of criers. Every semester there's at least one, sometimes more. Usually it's related to life issues rather than academic ones.<br /><br />Many of them seem to be frequent fliers -- I'll see the same student in tears several times over the course of a single semester. <br /><br />Gender doesn't seem to be a factor. I had two manipulative criers last semester -- one male, one female -- who turned on the waterworks every time I turned around. Self-pity was clearly the driving force, and about the only effect it had on me was to make me plenty irritated with them. I concealed my annoyance, but just barely.<br /><br />I can always tell when the tears are genuine, and I'm always happy to provide Kleenex and reassurance in those instances. I've got one like that this semester. He's already cried in front of me twice within the past four weeks, and given his difficult circumstances, I expect there may be more where that came from. I'm fine with that. He's sweet and he works hard in my class. I think I can pony up a little compassion.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-21085810399589803092012-03-21T22:48:38.835-05:002012-03-21T22:48:38.835-05:00In 30 years of being a professor, I've only ha...In 30 years of being a professor, I've only had students in tears a few times in my office. A couple of times it was health related (grad students telling me why they were requesting medical leave). A couple of times it was academics (students who had failed required courses three times).Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-22021628432051211592012-03-15T11:29:55.465-05:002012-03-15T11:29:55.465-05:00LOL, literally I amazed about crying grad students...LOL, literally I amazed about crying grad students ..I can remember that blog of yours UNDER MY KNEES...folks check that out!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-34911536046396084962012-03-15T11:23:34.631-05:002012-03-15T11:23:34.631-05:00tell you what, i had 3 crying professors in my dep...tell you what, i had 3 crying professors in my department...i used to laugh in their back :)coz they all had research problems & family matter..i enjoyed a lot..Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-25853496956931320192012-03-11T17:14:19.938-05:002012-03-11T17:14:19.938-05:00As an undergraduate, I spend a lot of time sitting...As an undergraduate, I spend a lot of time sitting across from profs who may or may not have tissues and sympathy tucked away somewhere in their desk. I try very hard to hold back the waterworks, mostly because I think that they have no place in anyone's office. I've never cried at a meeting, but I definitely have broken down after leaving a few times. Perhaps there should be more tissues in hallways and stairwells? :PAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-76426082323089664422012-03-10T15:04:20.628-06:002012-03-10T15:04:20.628-06:00I sometimes wish I've had tissues available. ...I sometimes wish I've had tissues available. I'm just an undergraduate TA, in a lab for non-majors. I've had a couple people almost cry and another just start sobbing in the middle of lab. All of them were just easily overwhelmed around midterms.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-70152177051830735182012-03-02T07:47:48.302-06:002012-03-02T07:47:48.302-06:00I have tissues for myself and for the criers, and ...I have tissues for myself and for the criers, and I have had plenty of both sexes. For the men it's worse, because they are crying in front of a woman, I suppose. Some are crying for manipulative purposes, and others for entirely real reasons, often for reasons that have nothing to do with their performance as students. I seem to be sort of a mommy that some students come to when they need to be heard out. <br /><br />Industrial strength - the thin stuff doesn't work.EuropeanFemaleScienceProfessornoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-85568721854597177942012-03-02T07:46:23.852-06:002012-03-02T07:46:23.852-06:00Hm. If one has students weeping in the office, may...Hm. If one has students weeping in the office, maybe one should re-evaluate one's teaching strategies and fitness for the job. ;-)<br /><br />In an altogether-too-long career, I've had two students break down:<br /><br />* a woman who had recently come through surgery for stage 3 breast cancer; and<br /><br />* a woman whose 20-something son was permanently disabled with schizophrenia and whose 16-year-old daughter was beginning to show signs of the disease.<br /><br />Good reasons for tears, both.Meletehttp://www.adjunctorium.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-660092687710950602012-03-01T13:25:22.725-06:002012-03-01T13:25:22.725-06:00I teach at a mostly female undergraduate college a...I teach at a mostly female undergraduate college and both male and female profs have an abundance of criers in their offices for many reasons- but usually academic. I've seen the male students get shaky hands and voices, but never cry. <br /><br />I personally cry/ am on the verge ALL the time- I have tears in my eyes just thinking about crying- and have learned to pretend it's not happening or mumble, "Darn allergies."Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-80383419671951989232012-03-01T02:16:08.594-06:002012-03-01T02:16:08.594-06:00@Snotty Anonymous
If most (i.e. well over 70%) of...@Snotty Anonymous<br /><br />If most (i.e. well over 70%) of the students in my office are male, but all the criers are female, I don't think gender is completely irrelevant. But I strongly suspect that *my* gender is a more important factor than the students'. <br /><br />While in grad school, I came very close to tears in profs offices on at least a couple occasions, but I fought the tears back very deliberately because I was worried about how they would see me. (I am an "angry crier" ... I cry when I get really pissed off. Which is *totally* counterproductive. But that's beside the point.)<br /><br />I wonder if the fact that I'm a youngish female means that these students don't feel the need to fight off the tears (as much) in front of me. I don't know how I would have reacted, since I never had a single female math prof all through undergrad or grad school.<br /><br />But, yeah. That gender thing is totally irrelevant.MathTTnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-40024579952356335072012-02-29T13:27:59.376-06:002012-02-29T13:27:59.376-06:00So glad to know that I'm not the only easy cri...So glad to know that I'm not the only easy crier! I really hate it, it's embarrassing.<br /><br />I think I've cried in front of two professors, both of them male and middle-aged.CSgradnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-63064480012311489212012-02-29T13:07:54.825-06:002012-02-29T13:07:54.825-06:00I've had a handful of crying students in my of...I've had a handful of crying students in my office - most of them crying due to life circumstances as opposed to my evil ways... <br /><br />Anyway, I have a tissue box for all tissue related needs, and our department provides them. They are most rarely used for crying fluids and most commonly used for coming in from the cold runny noses.<br /><br />In terms of upset students, having toys for them to fiddle with is a good idea. I find that my little crystal structures and DNA model are good for keeping hands busy and can help calm a distressed student.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-79257675773900049492012-02-29T11:59:25.158-06:002012-02-29T11:59:25.158-06:00I actually leave the tissues in my office for myse...I actually leave the tissues in my office for myself!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-41316209238077013402012-02-29T11:01:12.427-06:002012-02-29T11:01:12.427-06:00I have tissues for my own use but also occasionall...I have tissues for my own use but also occasionally offer them to undergrads. I cried several times as an undergrad myself, but because the professors I was seeing were assholes and I didn't want to cry in front of them, I left first. I would like to think that I am not an asshole and interpret crying in my office to indicate a flattering willingness to be vulnerable in front of me.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-68940130660316660152012-02-29T06:17:42.505-06:002012-02-29T06:17:42.505-06:00I'm math tenure track, female. During a teach...I'm math tenure track, female. During a teaching training session in grad school it came out that all of the female grad students had had undergrads of both genders crying on them, and none of the males had experienced any students crying. The only time I haven't listened sympathetically is when I had two students in a row crying, the first because she had a mass in her abdomen, the second because he was only getting a B.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-7336060678416707492012-02-28T22:51:50.081-06:002012-02-28T22:51:50.081-06:00My department supplies tissues like any other offi...My department supplies tissues like any other office supply. I always have a box on my desk for my own use but will nonchalantly move the box closer to a student who seems to be on the verge. It's a move I picked up when I worked at a florist (with people buying funeral flowers). It allows the potential cryer to stop and collect themselves without being embarrassed. In contrast, "oh! let me get you a tissue!" can accelerate the emotion of the situation instead of defusing it a bit.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-85656169032127787812012-02-28T20:09:00.992-06:002012-02-28T20:09:00.992-06:00I have also used chocolate to calm upset students,...I have also used chocolate to calm upset students, and while low blood sugar is a plausible partial explanation, I think there's more to it than that:<br /><br />http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17597253<br />http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16546294Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-25019718833499476442012-02-28T19:58:44.429-06:002012-02-28T19:58:44.429-06:00I am sort of glad to learn that I am not the only ...I am sort of glad to learn that I am not the only one that cries due to a valve that opens up unintentionally and sometimes out of proportion. Even when I do not want to cry, a burst of emotions just come and fill my eyes with tears. Have any of you find a way to cope with this? What do you do to not cry in front of someone?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-15038185448337112942012-02-28T17:32:20.283-06:002012-02-28T17:32:20.283-06:00I have tissues, both for my use and for my student...I have tissues, both for my use and for my students' (sometimes one box for each). I am young and female, and I get lots of criers of both genders. Usually it's because of personal problems (relationship issues, deaths) or extreme stress; often the student's story makes me tear up as well. <br /><br />I'm also glad to hear that other people than me respond to extreme emotions of all types by crying. Allergies exacerbate this for me by lowering the tear-producing threshold. It's sort of annoying that my crying is usually interpreted by others as a sign of sadness or insecurity, when most of the time it's neither. I cried out of anger in my chair's office once and he was very confused. So I definitely sympathize with the crying students, even though they are usually embarrassed by crying in front of me. I like the idea of telling them they're not the first.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-75753237557186466962012-02-28T16:34:57.344-06:002012-02-28T16:34:57.344-06:00I don't have a lot of crying students in my of...I don't have a lot of crying students in my office, but every year there are some, both male and female undergrads and, more rare, male and female grad students. The male students don't typically get to full tears; they get a bit wobbly and they have trouble speaking and they look away or cover their eyes or leave. I think there has been an increase in crying male students with time. Have any other 'older' female professors experienced more crying male students with time? Maybe they are more comfortable crying in front of someone who could be their mother? Or maybe male students cry more easily these days? Or maybe it doesn't mean anything because it is just a few students/year?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-21675234425385997422012-02-28T16:04:13.329-06:002012-02-28T16:04:13.329-06:00LOL!! Takes me back to my PhD days. I have a press...LOL!! Takes me back to my PhD days. I have a pressure release valve in my brain that blows off every time I am really angry. It is activates my lacrimal gland. :)<br />I did my PhD in Australia and my supervisor was one of a kind. He used to refer to all my first drafts as "crap". When I got angry, I used to start weeping. But his solution to this problem was not a tissue. We used to have a philosophical beer every time I wept. :)Saeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05494844880445422552noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-30250770142728203212012-02-28T14:28:22.665-06:002012-02-28T14:28:22.665-06:00I would also be interested in a poll about WHO cri...I would also be interested in a poll about WHO cries in your office. Grad students or Undergrads? Colleagues? Men or women? <br /><br />I have about a 50-50 split of men and women crying in my office, but many more men cry during lectures and exams in my classes. I'm not known for being particularly tough. <br /><br />I have no tissues in my office unless it's allergy season!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-65293023754824444632012-02-28T14:24:58.229-06:002012-02-28T14:24:58.229-06:00my dept provides them- nice soft ones, too! but as...my dept provides them- nice soft ones, too! but as I am both an advisor for our major & a prof, I get more students through my office than the average prof so I do get my fair share of crying students- usually they are overwhelmed by life & school deadlines.<br />mostly they are used for me as napkins & for allergies.<br />I started keeping tissues at my desk as a grad student after breaking down in my advisor's office. he handed me kimwipes...Lisa C.noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-36978908593838633452012-02-28T13:50:17.682-06:002012-02-28T13:50:17.682-06:00My single crying-student experience was very traum...My single crying-student experience was very traumatic because she was a very bright kid who tried to take physics 101 and organic chemistry (both with labs) during a 5 week summer session. That's 32 hours of class-n-lab time a week plus homework. She held it together through the second midterm but I could see it wearing here down.<br /><br />I had soft kleenex on account of my intermittent but severe allergies.<br /><br />She got out with a B-, but that clearly wasn't up to her expectations.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com