tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post9045569964754814824..comments2024-03-25T02:33:41.590-05:00Comments on FemaleScienceProfessor: Professor BabysitterFemale Science Professorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15288567883197987690noreply@blogger.comBlogger44125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-22759759042103261282013-09-25T21:29:38.858-05:002013-09-25T21:29:38.858-05:00I love the part at the end where you say every age...I love the part at the end where you say every age is your favorite. My daughter is only 10 months old and I feel that way about her little (big!) life. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-27290120883961189962013-09-11T14:28:33.945-05:002013-09-11T14:28:33.945-05:00I find it completely understandable why your relat...I find it completely understandable why your relative would think that only another mother could take care of her daughter. It looks like she really "knew her man" and based on her experience it was a safe decision for the welfare of her 2.5 yr old.<br /><br />I feel sorry for the Dad, though, and what he is missing.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-39800311912119996572013-09-04T09:16:03.283-05:002013-09-04T09:16:03.283-05:00Late comment -- you asked about the delayed "...Late comment -- you asked about the delayed "sex reveal," "Is this normal? Is this some tradition of which I have thus far been unaware?"<br /><br />No, that is not normal and verging on the bizarre. jfwlucyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13165814314909216622noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-62360792894362433542013-07-02T00:17:39.695-05:002013-07-02T00:17:39.695-05:00I wonder if it is actually considered among men to...I wonder if it is actually considered among men to be a status symbol to have no clue how to take care of your own child? In this day and age of supposed progressive thinking and gender equality and dual-income marriages, maybe it is a status symbol for a man to show that HE still has a traditional gender-roled family, because such a household model centers around the man's career aspirations and puts everyone else in the family in the position of his support staff. it's like saying "see how I am such a good provider (the traditional masculine role) that my wife is only too happy to give up her career to take care of the kids for me and be my maid/secretary so I can focus exclusively on my career"...sort of like a modern more insiduous version of (a) devaluing women (despite paying lip service to how 'noble' it is that his wife would give up her career to stay home with the kids...if it's so noble why didn't he do it?) and (b) classifying childcare as "women's work" rather than gender-neutral work.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-92015518876353944582013-06-24T17:00:53.499-05:002013-06-24T17:00:53.499-05:00I think it's funny (or sad) that this father d...I think it's funny (or sad) that this father doesn't know what to feed his own child. Maybe his brain stopped working due to the excitement of the birth?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-41542151779686124312013-06-23T15:34:37.997-05:002013-06-23T15:34:37.997-05:00At first I thought "this was good for you&quo...At first I thought "this was good for you" sounded condescending and sexist, as if you needed to get in touch with your femininity and remember what joy a woman's role is. But then I thought of another interpretation. Maybe the new father only meant that it was nice for you to be able to take a day off work and play with a toddler, sort of like a snow day. ??fyogsnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-35513382795965930292013-06-11T11:40:23.306-05:002013-06-11T11:40:23.306-05:00I'm anonymous 11:34, I forgot to say that my h...I'm anonymous 11:34, I forgot to say that my hubby has his own career... so yes, it is possible to have a two-career couple, share childcare, and survive ;-)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-48775620918428901472013-06-11T11:34:30.017-05:002013-06-11T11:34:30.017-05:00HA! We and many of my colleagues also have no fami...HA! We and many of my colleagues also have no family in town (or on the continent in my case), so our plan B for these sort of things involve friends/colleagues who know the child well, and hopefully have similar age kids (it's easier to take care of two friends than of a single child).<br />As for the dad, he does not know what he's missing in terms of bonding with his own child/children, and in forming a truly close relationship. My hubby shares childcare about 50-50 (meaning i'm the one who figures out daycares camps pediatricians etc, but he does everything else) and he has a much closer relationship with our girls, 8 and 3 yrs old, than my brother who has a more traditional split of duties with wife (reminiscent of your relative's).<br />Sadly, this traditional role split is very common even nowadays in academic families. Many of my male colleagues boast of having no clue on how to take care of children-- their wives do everything, often putting their own careers on hold. Even more sadly, these are some of the most prominent young scientists in my field. They ask me who watches my kids when I travel, and they marvel that a man (hubby) might be able to take care of his own children ....Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-77094358722688479002013-06-11T03:25:12.527-05:002013-06-11T03:25:12.527-05:00Sometimes we work so hard that work kinda becomes ...Sometimes we work so hard that work kinda becomes like the sun which we revolve around and it seems like it gets harder and harder to take a day off... and then you do and it puts everything into perspective. We're the sun and work revolves around us.Aaron Claeyshttp://www.alwaysdry.net/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-57387640554218136652013-06-10T13:57:57.254-05:002013-06-10T13:57:57.254-05:00This totally reminded me why I am sad you no longe...This totally reminded me why I am sad you no longer poster most every day......<br /><br />Mark PAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-37952223593060133882013-06-07T10:56:52.481-05:002013-06-07T10:56:52.481-05:00Yawn, you conveyed the monotony distress so well t...Yawn, you conveyed the monotony distress so well that I could only skim this post. <br /><br />@GMP: the radius of the earth is only 4000 miles...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-82279338020809649572013-06-06T18:43:32.025-05:002013-06-06T18:43:32.025-05:00This was hilarious. And you were a great babysitt...This was hilarious. And you were a great babysitter.<br /><br />I was willing to excuse a lot of Dad's behavior in the name of "OMG we're having a baby, quick, what do we do?" until I got to the part where Dad felt the experience was good for you. What a bizarre (and funny) thing to say.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-30629667201070922162013-06-06T07:45:07.340-05:002013-06-06T07:45:07.340-05:002/3 lessons on the good side is much better than n...2/3 lessons on the good side is much better than normalEliRabetthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07957002964638398767noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-59351491684205725232013-06-05T13:12:51.802-05:002013-06-05T13:12:51.802-05:00I like the part where the parents of the father we...I like the part where the parents of the father were called first over those of the mother. I guess the all-important news of a boy to carry on the family line was all-important.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-3501395229050467582013-06-05T00:51:52.864-05:002013-06-05T00:51:52.864-05:00Anyone else besides me think it makes no sense tha...Anyone else besides me think it makes no sense that this father has no clue or interest in taking care of his daughter yet wanted a second child nonetheless...? I am curious how such traditional gender defined men view the purpose of children in their lives. Do they see them as objects for entertainment or what? Why do they want children if they have no interest in taking care of them? (The whole "working my job /career to provide for them is taking care of them" doesn't fly because the man would be working his job or career whether he had kids or not.) <br /><br />I guess I don't understand why any person - regardless of gender - could be uninterested in taking care of their own kids unless they didn't actually want kids. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-56275531675193471602013-06-05T00:40:19.844-05:002013-06-05T00:40:19.844-05:00I don't agree with families in this day and ag...I don't agree with families in this day and age having traditional gender assigned roles for husband and wife : stay at home wife and sole breadwinner husband. I have lots of friends from college and grad school who have chosen this path. Is it their own personal business what lifestyle they want to lead? Sure but as your relatives and my friends show, living -and promoting - traditional gender roles can and does lead to a systematic filter through which the person views and treats OTHER people of the opposite gender around them. Now THAT is no longer their private business on the grounds they aren't hurting anyone else. I read a study that said male bosses who had stay at home wives tended to treat female employees "worse " than male bosses who had wives with equal status jobs/careers. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-9749490324585311502013-06-04T17:35:11.971-05:002013-06-04T17:35:11.971-05:00One of my nieces-in-law is a SAHM (not much choice...One of my nieces-in-law is a SAHM (not much choice, she's a military spouse in rural Texas).<br /><br />But my he-man pilot nephew most certainly can feed and change his daughter.<br /><br />His mother would knock him into the middle of next month if she learned he tried to pull something like that.Shayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16527241089629026268noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-56722350287589267382013-06-04T17:20:36.119-05:002013-06-04T17:20:36.119-05:00Your baby days are not over - at some point you wi...Your baby days are not over - at some point you will suddenly turn into a grandmother. I'm "due" in August, and am expecting emergency "can you pleeeeeeze take the kid-she's your granddaughter-after-all" calls. Enjoy just having a teenager, even if that is a bit difficult, having the words "enjoy" and "teenager" in the same sentence. EuropeanFemaleScienceProfessornoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-38544270013741297232013-06-04T16:14:29.518-05:002013-06-04T16:14:29.518-05:00One can only hope that having FSP in these kids...One can only hope that having FSP in these kids' lives as a role model will balance out the gendered effects of having relative-in-law for a father. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-57181890437066818032013-06-04T06:57:44.271-05:002013-06-04T06:57:44.271-05:00This reminds me of the only occasion when I was as...This reminds me of the only occasion when I was asked to babysit. My friends (both academics) had a five year old son and both needed to be away for some urgent work at the time that his school bus dropped him home. They did not have any family nearby. So, they requested me to receive their child and take care of him for an hour before one of them could return home. But, they made very thorough preparations for the same. The previous weekend, they invited me over to their house so that the child could become familiar with me. They gave me detailed instructions about what to feed him after he comes and what games to play with him :) Since I had to teach a class that finished just half an hour before the arrival of the school bus, they also walked me through a short cut between the university and their house. On the morning of the D-day, they informed the bus driver that someone else will be there to receive their son. The whole thing went very smoothly, thanks to proper planning by them. We also became very good friends after that and I still appreciate their thoroughness and thoughtfulness.New Profhttp://academic-garden.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-56252702090992384092013-06-04T02:49:45.420-05:002013-06-04T02:49:45.420-05:00Wow, FSP, it sounds like your relatives, especiall...Wow, FSP, it sounds like your relatives, especially the husband of your relative, are:<br />(a) selfish<br />(b) inconsiderate<br />(c) self-absorbed drama queens<br /><br />I mean, seriously? they feel entitled that their lack of planning should constitute an emergency on your part? how inconsiderate of them. The fact that they saw nothing wrong with inconveniencing you, just because you're female, gets on my nerves. <br /><br />and the father not knowing or even caring to know how to change his own kid's diaper yet expecting YOU to drop everything to do just that for him? I'm speechless.<br /><br />and then the father going "this experience was good for you" ..if I were in your shoes, I would have responded, "yeah, you really should try it yourself some time, it will be even better for you"<br /><br />and the whole "gender reveal" drama...seriously?? Do these people think they are the stars of a reality TV show or something?? the fact that they feel the need to engineer something like this shows how they think everyone is watching them. Get over yourselves, people, you are not the center of the universe and neither are your kids.<br /><br />And then saying your car is 'not safe enough' for his kid...wow....<br /><br />you were more gracious than I would have been. If I were in that position I don't think I would even have responded to their summons to babysit for them. I would probably have just recommended to them the name of a local babysitter.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-12801185433711554672013-06-03T22:18:40.866-05:002013-06-03T22:18:40.866-05:00I disagree that my relatives don't consider my...I disagree that my relatives don't consider my work important. They were profuse in their thanks to me for helping them. They might not consider my work as important as, say, my brother's work, but that's not the same thing as saying they don't respect my work/career at all or didn't realize it was a major inconvenience for me to drop everything and help them. Female Science Professorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15288567883197987690noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-16805516434280476282013-06-03T18:57:21.856-05:002013-06-03T18:57:21.856-05:00We have no relatives within a tens-of-thousands-of...We have no relatives within a tens-of-thousands-of-miles radius and no friends whom we would be comfortable inconveniencing like this. When I was delivering babies 2 and 3, it was happening overnight or very early morning, husband dropped me off at the hospital and made sure I was OK, then went to take care of the kids (with No 2, he got our eldest to school then joined me in the hospital, after all was done; with No 3, it was weekend, so they all came after the baby was born). I appreciated having hubby around the first time around, but was just fine with him taking care of our kids with subsequent deliveries so I could labor in peace and not have to worry about the kid(s) being scared or bored. There is something to be said for being left alone while in pain. <br /><br />FSP, those relatives have major boundary issues and are very disrespectful. I am betting they don't consider your work anything actually worth considering because, you know, you are a woman, end of story; how important can what you do actually be? You are a much better person than me for even keeping them in your life close enough that they would think of calling you for this favor. And I bet they don't even think it is a big favor or a big inconvenience for many people. GMPhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17872461021953583473noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-69219480534824688502013-06-03T18:14:01.671-05:002013-06-03T18:14:01.671-05:00Not the most charitable way to have put it, but I&...Not the most charitable way to have put it, but I'm afraid I have to agree. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16282457234023021164noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29059245.post-30936407031523096162013-06-03T16:32:27.931-05:002013-06-03T16:32:27.931-05:00Excellent read! There were three parts of your exp...Excellent read! There were three parts of your experience that rankle me. First, the father who had no apparent idea of how to care for his child. My husband is a researcher, and he has never shirked childcare. Little sisters, a daughter, young cousins: he is no stranger to the dirty diaper and had never gone out of his way to avoid changing, bathing, playing, etc. It's an abdication of responsibility rather than capability that keeps a parent ignorant of basic childcare duties.<br /><br />Second, the whole "the experience is good for you" comment is one I get any time there is a gathering of people (many who occupy the "man works, woman rears" roles) and there is a baby present. I can't tell you how many times I've had a squalling child with a full diaper shoved in my direction (there are always plenty of other people around) with the comment "Here, it will be good practice for you", since I don't have children. My response has always been "You made her/him, you clean her/him." It's the patronizing tone of the comment that I find irksome, not the task.<br /><br />Third, that it could be assumed you could just drop everything and go. It sounded like you had a great deal of juggling to do to accommodate the "unexpected" birth. You would have been completely justified in saying "Sorry, I have this meeting and that meeting and the other meeting today. I'm a last-gasp option at best."<br /><br />You were very, very patient with these relatives. The little girl likely benefited. Lisa Buckleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05999611419393598550noreply@blogger.com