We here at FSP are still accepting entries for The Cover Letter Contest, but here is an example, just to help set the festive mood for the contest.
To whom it may concern:
Please find attached my application for your open position
in Nanoherpetology. I completed my PhD in Nano-neuroherpetology in 2008 at the
University of X, and since then have been a postdoctoral research in Applied
Electrical Nanoherpetochemistry and Engineering in the famous Z lab of the K
Institute. I was strongly encouraged to apply for this position by my mentor,
Professor E, the world expert cosmoherpetologist who is rumored to be an
imminent choice for the National Academy of Sciences.
My expertise and my personality are a perfect fit with your
department. I expect that, given my expertise and background, I would be able
to have a large and well-funded research program up and running within the
first year.
I have enclosed but a few of my more significant
publications for your review. A complete archive of all my peer-reviewed
publications can be downloaded from the ftp site (address). A copy of my press
releases and other media-related materials (podcasts, videos, documentaries) are
also available on request.
Other information about my research accomplishments and a
framework for my future research can be found in the enclosed materials, along
with a list of courses that I could easily teach at the graduate and
undergraduate levels. In addition, you may be interested to know that my wife does
not have a PhD. In fact, she works as a receptionist in an insurance office, a
job she would happily leave.
Sincerely,
Sinclair Snake
In addition, you may be interested to know that my wife does not have a PhD. In fact, she works as a receptionist in an insurance office, a job she would happily leave.
ReplyDeleteI know there's an element of exaggeration for comic effect here, but I'd like to know if people actually write things like this.
This is in fact a fantastic letter. It appeals directly to the nepotism that is the core of intensely corrupt American academia.
ReplyDeleteI have seen a sentence like the last one in a cover letter, though typically a bit more subtle (but not always).
ReplyDeleteAnon 3:10, it's only corrupt and nepotism (broadly defined) if the person is hired owing to close personal relationships and is not qualified for the job (or as qualified as other applicants). Otherwise it is just someone being immature and probably a twit.
ReplyDelete"Willing to sacrifice non-work-life to provide long hours of highly skilled labor for cheap."
ReplyDeleteIt appeals directly to the exploitation that is the core of intensely corrupt American academia. (not 'nepotism')
For some, the holidays start once final grades are entered. Others check into the seasonal spirit once Thanksgiving is done.
ReplyDeleteMe? I know it's the holidays once FSP opens up her annual contest!
it's only corrupt and nepotism (broadly defined) if the person is hired owing to close personal relationships and is not qualified for the job ...
ReplyDeleteUm, yeah, that's pretty much what happens. The idea that some of these unoriginal 23 year old PhDs actually know anything is ludicrous.