I have been wading through a pile of Newsletters that arrived from family and friends while I was away. I have never been inspired to write one of these myself, as they are overwhelmingly boring, though I realize that is hypocritical coming from a Blog Author. Even so, why would I want to know the names of my nephews' elementary school teachers? Why would I want to know that my friend's partner's ex-husband visited them in April?
I realize that these Newsletters have been ridiculed by many before me. In the interest of fairness, perhaps I should write one myself, right here, so that I can fully appreciate the challenges of coming up with something interesting about my family's 2006 experiences. So here goes, my first and probably last Family Newsletter:
2006 News from the X Family!
We can hardly believe it, but it's time once again to recite at length the events of our year! It was a bit of a slow year for us, so we will probably make some things up and give extra details of our cats' health problems, just to fill up the page. Note that in this letter we will refer to ourselves in the first person plural to reflect the fact that large parts of this newsletter were written with our orange tabby.
We hate to boast, but in this case we must: we cleaned our house thoroughly for the first time in 8 years! This turned out to be fascinating because one of us didn't know the house was so filthy until we started cleaning, and another of us knew all along but never mentioned it. We have concluded that living in squalor has boosted the immune system of our offspring, accounting for her remarkable health and inability to acquire even the most common of childhood illnesses.
In other family news, the two professors in the family continue to have unhealthy but satisfying obsessions with inorganic substances and processes, with occasional thoughts about carbon and nitrogen but not too many. One important discovery that we made this year was that if you are in the wilderness for 10 days or so and you get sap in your hair on the top of your head on Day 2, with no chance of getting it out other than cutting your own hair with a Swiss Army knife and without looking in a mirror, you will be living with the aesthetic consequences of that for a very very long time.
The cats have had an amazing year. Z's prey total reached a new high. Torturing and killing small rodents no longer challenges him intellectually, so he has channeled his creative energies into artistically arranging his dead rodents on the walkway and front steps. We think he has a real flair for this, and have been looking to enroll him in some cat/art enrichment courses. In the meantime, we got him a YouTube account and he has been posting short movies of his rodent-killing prowess there.
Our daughter, who still spends an inordinate amount of time talking to small bean-filled animals, is doing well in school and in life in general. After losing a huge number of her front teeth in 2004-05, her mouth has decided to retain all the rest of its teeth until some unspecified time in the future, resulting in a distressingly long Tooth Fairy hiatus at our home. We have told her that the Tooth Fairy hates her, and are wondering if we should have said that, but figure we won't find out the answer for another 5-20 years.
That's about it for 2006, other than some travel, family visits, experiences with sexism, various awards, promotions and so on. Happy New Year!
6 years ago