Here are two more beautiful examples of the genre, each crazy-making in their own special way.
(By the way, I am not sure if those submitting these want their names attached to their entries; without specific information I am erring on leaving names off but am happy to include names if so instructed -- and I can add names to entries already posted.)
Dear Candidate,
Thank you so, so
much for your application to our Department. We were overwhelmed with the
enthusiasm with which the scientific community rallied around our job posting,
and to date with have received 1,217 applications (and counting!!!) from
kindhearted individuals across the country. I'm sure you will agree that this
is a very special achievement, which we could never have managed without
your contribution.
As I am sure you will
appreciate, it was very difficult for us - after we had read through the
documents of all the incredibly talented hotshot Ivy League academics (each
with their own truly inspiring pedigrees and publication record) -
to narrow the selection down to just one eventual winner. We wanted to award
all of you a tenure-track position in our department! But in the end we had to
make just one choice, and I am sorry to say that your application didn't quite
make the cut.
But you were really
close, though!
Thank you once again
for applying to our Department - it was really sweet of you to consider us.
Keep your eyes peeled for details about our next academic opening!
Warm regards and gratitude,
Department Search Committee
*************
Dear Applicant,
Thank you very much
for your application for a position in our department. Due to the large
number of applications we receive, if you are not on the short list for the
position then this will be the last you'll hear from us. On the other
hand, we request that you take the time to let us know if you accept a position
elsewhere.
Sincerely,
Search Committee
Secretary
Top-10 Science
Department