Another entry in The Cover Letter contest.
Dear Search Committee Chair,
I know these letters are usually addressed to a person, but the job market is so terrible these days that I hope you’ll excuse me for using your title instead, since I have to write 93 letters this week.
As you no doubt have figured out already, I am an applicant for your position in Molecular Biology. I am well trained in (Biology Chemistry) because of both my undergraduate and graduate training at MIT, and I’ve had experience as a teaching assistant in (organic introductory biology) as noted in my teaching statement, so I am completely prepared to teach the course you mentioned in the position advertisement.
My research is on the reversal of aging in female fruit flies by the polyphenolic compound, resveratrol, a component of red wine, and I anticipate considerable student interest in working with me in this area. My PhD was with Famous Scientist, a foremost researcher on molecular gerontology, and we have three papers published and four in press resulting from my graduate work and two years of postdoctoral fellowship. I have been funded by Major Private Foundation, the US Wine Institute, and the National Institutes of Health during my postdoctoral research period and I anticipate future funding from all three agencies to support my research at ____ university.
In order to set up my laboratory properly, I will require a startup fund of $600,000 for equipment, supplies, personnel, and travel, to be spent over a four-year period, after which I expect my laboratory to be self-sufficient. I need to have a release from all teaching and committee work for the first year and a light load of teaching and committee work for the entire pre-tenure period if I come to your school. It is essential for the development of my research in a highly competitive area that I not be distracted by these other elements while I am setting up my research endeavor. I am sure you understand this situation well, since there is lots of research in your department of (chemistry biology).
Please examine my CV, research plans, teaching statement, and letters of recommendation carefully. I look forward to visiting your department, in fact I may be in the area and if so, will call to arrange a visit soon.
An Outstanding Candidate