Another entry in The Cover Letter contest:
Dear Search Committee:
My name is Dr. Joseph von Kool and I am applying for the open position in your Department.
Herewith I submit to you my application materials thereof for the aforementioned tenure-track position. Whereas my address is listed as Prestige University, henceforth I will be located at the Uber-Institute until such time as a tenure-track position is proffered and forthcoming.
Most sincerely yours,
J. von Kool, Ph.D.