OK, this one may be a bit off-putting at first, but if you read beyond the name, there are some informative aspects of it. The author of the fake CV explains:
The CV below is composed almost entirely from the pieces of dozens of real CVs of graduate students who have applied to work in my research group. (Some of these statements, such as the cheap Jew comment, were not actually on a CV, but were said to me by a candidate during the interview and I wrote it in my notes on his CV, so I think it counts too.)
The CV below is composed almost entirely from the pieces of dozens of real CVs of graduate students who have applied to work in my research group. (Some of these statements, such as the cheap Jew comment, were not actually on a CV, but were said to me by a candidate during the interview and I wrote it in my notes on his CV, so I think it counts too.)
ADOLF HITLER JONES
Email: sexxyhotcrossdresser85@compuserve.net
Personal Website: http://www.adolfjones.xxx
KEY STRENGTHS
• Critical thinking and sensitivity to numbers
• Excellent ritten and oral communication skills
• I can do anything I set my mind to if I know how to do it!
TECHNICAL SKILLS
• Operating systems: DOS, Windows 3.x\95\98\ME\XP\Vista\7
• Productivity: Microsoft Word, Excel, Outlook, Power Point, Visio, Access and Corel Word Perfect
• Software: IE3D, MATLAB, LABVIEW, PSPICE, LATEX, WIRESHARK, VERILOG, HFSS, IE3D, ADS, CST, AUTOCAD
• Technologies: BGP, DHCP, HTTP, FTP, TELNET, TCP, UDP, IPV4, IPV6, CISCO IOS, OSPF, STP, VLAN, VTP, NAT, EIGRP, 3G, UMTS, CDMA, WCDMA, GPRS, GSM, WiMAX, VoIP, LTE, 802.11 WLAN, WAN, OFDM
EDUCATION
• 2006 – 2010 – B.Sc. in Computer Engineering, Small Liberal Arts College, GPA 2.6/4.0. However I got serious as a senior and my GPA in my final year was a 3.2
EMPLOYMENT HISTORY
• September 2012 – Independent Research on the employment situation of engineering students
• June 2010 to August 2011 – I worked as a web developer for The Local Art Gallery, however I was let go because my employer did not want to pay my salary anymore (he was Jewish and you know how cheap they are….)
AWARDS AND HONORS
• Second prize Badminton tournament at college sports fest
• Won the “Best Out Going Student” of the year award
• “Star Volunteer” of the 2010 Local Small Town World Expo
• “The University Scholarship” – I got this prize because I was in the top 30% of the 16 students in the computer science major in my university
OTHER ACTIVITIES
• Successfully completed a workshop in ‘ROBOTICS’
• Currently writing a novel about teenage vampires
• Coordination engineer of “ABHHIYANTHRIKI ‘08”
• Negotiated with school cafeteria manager to make them depress the unreasonable food price
Email: sexxyhotcrossdresser85@compuserve.net
Personal Website: http://www.adolfjones.xxx
KEY STRENGTHS
• Critical thinking and sensitivity to numbers
• Excellent ritten and oral communication skills
• I can do anything I set my mind to if I know how to do it!
TECHNICAL SKILLS
• Operating systems: DOS, Windows 3.x\95\98\ME\XP\Vista\7
• Productivity: Microsoft Word, Excel, Outlook, Power Point, Visio, Access and Corel Word Perfect
• Software: IE3D, MATLAB, LABVIEW, PSPICE, LATEX, WIRESHARK, VERILOG, HFSS, IE3D, ADS, CST, AUTOCAD
• Technologies: BGP, DHCP, HTTP, FTP, TELNET, TCP, UDP, IPV4, IPV6, CISCO IOS, OSPF, STP, VLAN, VTP, NAT, EIGRP, 3G, UMTS, CDMA, WCDMA, GPRS, GSM, WiMAX, VoIP, LTE, 802.11 WLAN, WAN, OFDM
EDUCATION
• 2006 – 2010 – B.Sc. in Computer Engineering, Small Liberal Arts College, GPA 2.6/4.0. However I got serious as a senior and my GPA in my final year was a 3.2
EMPLOYMENT HISTORY
• September 2012 – Independent Research on the employment situation of engineering students
• June 2010 to August 2011 – I worked as a web developer for The Local Art Gallery, however I was let go because my employer did not want to pay my salary anymore (he was Jewish and you know how cheap they are….)
AWARDS AND HONORS
• Second prize Badminton tournament at college sports fest
• Won the “Best Out Going Student” of the year award
• “Star Volunteer” of the 2010 Local Small Town World Expo
• “The University Scholarship” – I got this prize because I was in the top 30% of the 16 students in the computer science major in my university
OTHER ACTIVITIES
• Successfully completed a workshop in ‘ROBOTICS’
• Currently writing a novel about teenage vampires
• Coordination engineer of “ABHHIYANTHRIKI ‘08”
• Negotiated with school cafeteria manager to make them depress the unreasonable food price
16 comments:
That's just genius.
I interviewed this person for grad school (ze made some similar remarks about some other ethnic group)! Ze didn't get in.
Oooh, when do we get to vote?? This one takes the cake!
The technologies section has some jewels too.
Telnet is a simple program that allows connections to other computers. It makes a calculator app look sophisticated by comparison, but since it fits in the alphabet soup of network protocols it got added by the candidate.
This one hit a little close to home and I may or may not have had a CV not too dissimilar to this at one point in my life. (I'm not referring to the racist comment here.)
The problem is that many of us from certain easy-to-guess parts of the world don't really have the right mentors to tell us what is and is not appropriate to put on a CV when applying to grad school.
Can't hire. No proficiency with Windows NT.
Unfortunately, I actually understand where the "technical skills" section came from. In certain (crappy) software industry jobs, your resume will be screened for a checklist of buzzwords by a non-technical HR person or even a buzzword-scraper computer algorithm, and having such a ridiculous buzzword-listing section would be advisable.
Yes, sadly this is not a bad resume nowadays for an industry position. They seem to love the platitudes at the beginning as well as the buzzword list, like CSgrad said.
Telnet! Lol.
Love it! This CV hits all the classics: inappropriate hotmail account name, spelling errors, tortured adjectives, and a snazzy rewording of "Temporarily unemployed, but looking for work."
Yeps, a clueless, inexperienced undergrad who was raised in a foreign country is pretty funny.
A grown-ass tenured science professor who spends her time blogging about gender "micro-inequities" is just pathetic.
@Jayant
A grown-ass man whining about the contents of a blog that nobody is forcing him to read is the very definition of pathetic.
Anon @2:45 PM
Not whining, mockin...
I know, all that FSP ever blogs about is micro-inequities, hence this very post is...oh, wait, this post has nothing to do with the subject.
Jayant, did you purchase carbon offsets for the straw you burned?
And is there any indication that this (hopefully) hypothetical undergrad was raised in another country? Where did that assumption come from?
To me, this CV is as American as apple pie.
Alex, ever since Al gore sold his channel to Qatar, I dutifully purchase my carbon offsets from them. You should see Qatar build free windmills all over the world any day now...
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