The competition continues to be fierce for the Most Obnoxious Cover Letter possible. Here is another contender:
Dear Search Committee,
I am pleased to inform you that I am hereby applying for the Faculty Position in the Department of Chemistry which I saw listed in the latest issue of Science. My work is centered on the role of physiogenomic and synchochrotomic control of heritable patterning. Mostly I do computer modeling but I also know a lot of Chemistry. I am currently a PhD candidate at ReallyFamous School, and I plan to defend this Spring (although I haven’t told my advisor and my committee yet, so I’d appreciate your discretion on this point). Recently I read that the NIH has started a new award called the “Pathway to Independence” award where you can skip your postdoc, so I decided that I’ll do that since I’m very talented and I don’t really need to do a postdoc. I will apply for this award next month and expect that I will receive the Notice of Award by the time I begin my new position at your University.
Furthermore, I’m glad to tell you that I will be in YourCity on the second weekend in February for my cousin’s wedding! Therefore, I would be glad to extend my trip and stay in the city for an extra day or two so that we can meet and I can tell you about my vision for my Research Team and we can begin to negotiate. I have planned my schedule so that I can stay in your city on Monday and Tuesday of that week to meet with you (please find the receipt for my plane tickets attached; I’d appreciate being reimbursed at your earliest convince).
I look forward to meeting you in person in February!
This is my favorite! Or at least top 2 (also like the klepto one). Yes, I would like to have my trip to my cousin's wedding reimbursed - perfect! Please let this be my competition.
I agree, this one is my favorite, too. An impressive level of obnoxiousness.
This one has my vote, too.
UGH reading these cover letters has made me feel really anxious that my letters have come across as super arrogant and/or overreaching! I mean they aren't as bad as this, but some of the bits come across too close to home for my comfort. Eeek...
But, I guess that every parody has to have a nugget of truth or it loses its comedic value. I just hope I seem excited and confident rather than arrogant and condescending! *worry*
Do people actually write letters like this? Is anyone really this clueless?
My favorite, too, for a good guffaw. But tell me: how close to this one do actual letters get?
Wow. Just, wow! Stand clear for when his head deflates.
Yeah! my vote goes to you. Good luck for all you do.
Are these letters real? I find it hard to believe that universities would allow folks this clueless to enter their PhD programs.
I like getting the tickets reimbursed. You have my vote!
I actually did have an applicant (for a lab tech position) once e-mail me their application and inform me that (as luck would have it!) they would be in MyCity on X Dates and would stop by the lab for an interview during that time...um, yeah, no thanks.
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