Wednesday, January 11, 2012

One More

This late entry delves into an academic niche that was not explored in the recent Cover Letter Contest. It did not make it into yesterday's poll, but the letter makes the important point that some CLs are written by people who already have a faculty position but would like a different one. 

In real life, of course, you could just send in your application; there is no need to explain the CL why you are thinking of leaving your current job, unless you want to explain it.


Dear FSP,

Sorry for the late application.  I am currently, in my 4th year of tenure-track at University X (have to submit my tenure app at the beginning of my 5th year here), and I was working on journal papers and proposals all through the break that I didn't realize it was Christmas or even 2012 yet.  I am interested in applying to your University Y, preferably to obtain a tenured position, but in reality, I'll take anything you have.

To make a long story short, I am DESPERATE.... did you hear me -- DESPERATE to get out of this male-dominated, chauvinist ****hole department at University X.  I am decently funded.  I have slews of low-quality journal papers because my university emphasizes quantity for tenure, and I can't focus.  Please... get me out-of-here.  I specially chose your university because it's near me, and we can't move because of my husband's job and our underwater mortgage.  I'll work for pennies if you just treat me with some respect.

Yours truly,
burned-out neurotic prof

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

As a second year tt professor I must say I understand this letter. I hope I never have to write a cover letter like this in my life.

Anonymous said...

this one isn't funny, it's just sad. the author isn't arrogant or clueless, she's just desperate. Sure, she should put on a better game face, but....

Anonymous said...

wow, sounds like something I could have written.

Anonymous said...

True to the last tear!

Sadly some of us will not lose the self-respect really until the last straw. By then it is too late. You are old and balding and dont know how to fit into the tech world

Sagit said...

I agree with Anonymous 12:53. And yet, no one wants to hire someone who comes off like that for a TT position. We had a candidate once, in my department, who exhibited something approaching that level of desperateness. His presentation started out OK but just went sour as he seemed more needy and desperate in the discussion afterward.

Anonymous said...

This one cuts a little to close to home.

Anonymous said...

ouch. too painfully close to home.

Anonymous said...

~shudder~.

To be clear, that's a sympathetic shudder.

mathgirl said...

Actually, this raises the interesting question of what one should write in the cover letter when applying to tenure-track (or higher) positions from a tenure-track (or higher) position.

For example, I'm currently in the job market because of a two-body problem. I'm already in my second tenure-track position (I'm moved to the second school because it is a better research match).

When writing my letter, I found myself with many questions: should I talk about my two-body problem? Should I explain why I moved in the first place?

If I don't explain anything, it looks like a pattern of someone who is always unhappy and moving between tt positions. Or someone afraid of not getting tenure.

In the end, I opted for explaining the 2-body problem but not the previous move, since it's easier to guess the reasons for it.

Anonymous said...

Wow, not funny but sad and oh so true. I would never write it but I sure feel that way on a daily basis.

Anonymous said...

mathgirl, I too am currently applying for the two-body problem, but I am writing a very generic cover letter.

If they see you're successful, they shouldn't care if you're unhappy at your current position and always unhappy, because that means you can be productive when unhappy. ;) At least that's what I'm telling myself.

And I don't feel like I should discuss the two-body problem in the cover letter. If they call me for an interview, I would address it in person.

I feel like I poured my heart and soul into the research and teaching statements. Do I really need to make a personal outstanding cover letter? So, I really kept it terse and generic.

We'll see how it goes....

Anonymous said...

Yup, feel this way daily. So how do we write these? I focus on the good things about the school I am applying for but sometimes it feels like I am just dodging the issue. Still "my chair thinks i'm smart - for a girl "- seems a bad way to go. Sigh... Why are so many of us in this position and why are there so few recourses other than leaving?

Anonymous said...

Ugg. Chiming in to say this is too familiar.

And the mortgage stress just adds to it.

Anonymous said...

I would accuse you of plagiarism, but I can't figure out where you saw my letter.

Anonymous said...

I am not sure what saddens me more, the letter, or all of the comments echoing the letter. Sorry, ladies. Glad money trumps gender at my institution.

Anonymous said...

If the last poster figures that out, I want to know. Currently leaving seems the only option.

Anonymous said...

If this were Facebook, I'd be "liking" many of these comments right now. Specifically, the ones that echo the CL.

\Sad, but true.

Kea said...

Anonymous, anonymous, anonymous. Funny how the dudes never notice that you're all anonymous, even as they throw abuse at women like me.

HennaHonu said...

As a current (female) grad student, I find this letter, and the comments after it, really frightening. All the departments I have worked in were at least 40F/60M with the old guard (male) retiring as they hired a more equal ratio. Other than talking to current female faculty when interviewing, how can I avoid becoming this letter writer?